It Gets Better! A Message from USC Students

This was originally an academic blog I submitted December 2, 2010 for a gerontology class. But I came across this video while on the USC website. In the video SC students and alumni reassure struggling LGBT youth that the future is bright. Thought i'd share it with you all!

RainbowVision Re-Visited ~

I received a very thoughtful comment from the National Director of Marketing and Sales at RainbowVision, Jane Steinberg, following my blog post on RainbowVision. I wish to address this and clarify some things about the project that I learned from this comment.

First off I'd like to thank Jane Steinberg for taking the time to write to me. And I would also like to thank the producer/director of the "In the Life" piece on RainbowVision, Mike Jacoby, without whom I might not have come across RainbowVision.

You should all know that RainbowVision is the ONLY community in the world that offers a continuum of care of LGBT and allies. The goal at RainbowVision is not just to provide housing to people who are alone, but to provide housing to everyone. To give you all a real idea of what RainbowVision is all about, I'd like to quote Ms. Steinberg's beautifully worded comment, "Everyone needs a sense of family, family of choice whether single, partnered, divorced, etc. RainbowVision is a Community of Living Diversity: sexual orientation, partnership status, age, religion, race, etc. RainbowVision is a community where one can live in freedom and acceptance".

Taking another look at this, it only confirms that RainbowVision is a positive force to cultivate acceptance and provide people comfort and a sense of family and community. Ms. Steinberg wrote, "Our many allies who live at RainbowVision expressly wanted the diversity that we offer." The people living in RainbowVision do not just want an isolated community of LGBT elders, but rather a community of diversity where LGBT elders can feel just as comfortable as anyone else in any other demographic. I think that often we focus a lot on how the LGBT community is "different" or separate from the rest of society. But the truth is, we are all different - whether it be how we look, act, feel, or think. And every difference deserves attention and tolerance. The intricacies of society is one of the many blessings of humanity.

Not only this, but RainbowVision has really been thoughtful about the project being sustainable for the future. As Ms. Steinberg writes, "we come prepared for our second fifty years: financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Becoming a community member will not automatically change our true nature, unless we are willing and committed to working and changing on a very deep personal level".

It may interest you all to know that RainbowVision's youngest member is 45! This is truly a community focused on diverse living and creating a world of acceptance for all.

A look at "Gray Gays" & the Elderly LGBT Community ~

"Gray Gays"



I came across another brief, but compelling documentary. It really does a great job exposing the struggles faced by gay elders in the aging progress in all facets of their lives.

The first thing the documentary does is exposes and dispels the myth that gays are all "young, carefree and wild". The idea, as presented in the documentary, is that as gays begin to age they seem to disappear. This completely contradicts the facts, however, that their are 1.5 million gay elders in America.

One elder who was interviewed on the video, Cedric Burgess, Age 57 says, "I am 57 years old, gay, black and proud." Burgess says that as you begin to age as a person in the LGBT community life can become isolated. There is not much social life because when you get older "nobody wants you." Burgess is HIV positive and his partner died of AIDS ten years ago. He frequently finds himself trying to go to bars, but when he goes he feels out of place and alone. Sometimes people will even stare and snicker because of the societal expectation that all social life for the LGBT community occurs during youth.

But he refuses to give into this society-pushed isolation. He has birds that give him constant company and is also regularly in touch with his friends and family. He keeps his mind occupied with volunteer work and reaching out to his community. The problem is that some people are not as fortunate as Burgess to have a supportive family or friend base and can find themselves completely isolated as they age.

But isolation is just one of the many special challenges that LGBT elders face. One woman in the video comments, "Until people realize older LGBT folks are out there, it is hard for the community to get the broader population to care about the issue."

The thing is that LGBT elders face what has been termed a "double invisibility." First they are invisible for being elderly and second for being members of the LGBT community. This doubled invisibility coupled with the homophobia/heterosexism of society can create an entire "generational invisibility".

Even though there are services for LGBT elders available, the service providers don't know how to reach the community because many of the members do not reach out for help, and just accept their isolation.

But not everyone is this passive. One man aged 60 says that he expects to be a full AARP members and demands to be treated respectfully.

Right now the LGBT elder community faces an internal struggle for recognition within the LGBT community and an external struggle to be recognized by the rest of America.

It Gets Better! (2)

One important facet of LGBT aging is the influence that the older LGBT community has on LGBT youth. More and more people are coming out to say that life improves as you get more comfortable in your own skin and as people's minds continue to become more open. The growing presence of the LGBT aging community can be a beneficial force for the youth who are struggling with identity crises and bullying. While it is important to recognize the ways in which the LGBT aging community does not have access to adequate resources for their comfort or even for their survival, it is just as important to recognize what progress has been made. Neil Patrick Harris and Ellen Degeneres do a particularly good job encouraging the LGBT youth to keep living, to work through the trying times, so that they can live to be happier later in life.

Neil Patrick Harris says, "There is no needs to harm yourself if something is going bad - act with strength, act with courage, act with class, stand tall and be proud of who you are." He also adds, "When you get older, you find that people are actually drawn towards individuals with different points of view who are proud of who they are, and who make interesting, different and unique choices." Instead of focusing on the ways in which homosexual teens are different from other teens, Harris focuses on the idea that everyone is different, and homosexuality is just one way that people are different, but it is no different from other differences that separate us from one another and make ourselves our own original beings. He reminds youth that the LGBT community is being granted more and more rights and assures them that progress will continue in that direction.

Ellen's video is a message to LGBT youth and to the rest of society. She says that the suicides are a wakeup call that teenage bullying and teasing is climbing. She says that "one life lost is a tragedy, four lives lost is a crises". She mentions that there are many people suffering in silence, struggling to figure out who they are. She blames the ignorance and intolerance of society for putting additional stress on teens and for continuing to allow this to happen. But her final message to the youth is one of optimism, "things will get easier. People's lives will change and you should be alive to see it."

Neil Patrick Harris


Ellen DeGeneres

A look into the life of long time activist Amber Halloway

Amber Halloway became an activist as a 15 year old. Growing up as a poor girl in California, Amber was given a scholarship to attend a school of ruling class students in Switzerland. After nearly flunking out, she joined her professor and his family as members of the communist party and spent time alongside Lebanese communists doing activist work. Amber, a woman with a very impressive resume of different activist work, now turns her attention to a the LGBT community. This is her talk at the Sager Symposium on aging for LGBT elders and the importance of paying attention to all demographics when fighting for social change. As she says, "I'm interested in movement for social change through a lifetime, not generational or situational change."

See her video below or at this link: http://www.youtube.com/user/SagerSymposium#p/u/4/G89zXtIT58k



Amber begins by talking how absent LGBT aging is from conversation, both in the context of social justice and in terms of "queer issues". She makes an interesting point that aging is not considered an important political issue in the dialogue of change because aging is not look at as a "queer issue." The limits of identity politics for queer people means that when something that is not identified as queer becomes an issue, the activist community has problems figuring out how to fight for it, no matter how "profoundly impactful" they are.

In terms of what is seen as an LGBT issue, marriage is generally on the top of the list, whereas universal health care and aging often do not make the cut. Aging is looked at as the process of creating a dependent, less vital, less important community. Some people when thinking of LGBT elders have even said, "we don't have any of those".

But as America's baby boomer generation is getting old, the demographic of the country is going to change. In other words, there is about to be a huge constituency here that we are entirely unprepared for. And this is not just people in their 50s, but people in their 80s who currently are not even being considered. As Amber says, "America is becoming a country of old people" and the problem is we haven't figured out how to deal with them yet.

But she doesn't give up. As she says, "I'm an activist because the world isn't what I want it to be." Don't expect her to stop fighting any time soon.

A look into housing options for LGBT elders

I came across an interesting video today from In The Life TV which explored some of the current housing projects and plans underway for LGBT elders. The video was split into two parts. The first which interviews different lesbian women on growing up as Lesbian in very conservative, closed-minded communities. One woman Hilda Rush age 93s aid, "I don't feel that I can be my person here. I can't be who I am." Hilda and other women have experienced people who are openly hostile to lesbians. Ms. Rush recalls walking at night with the woman she was seeing at the time, wanting to hold hands, but knowing she can't. There is definitely a hint of fear in Hilda's voice and she said, "it's dangerous to let people know who you are" because of the propensity that they will be closed to the situation.

The second half of the video focused on some of the current projects. Joy Silver was featured to talk about Rainbow Vision located in Santa Fe. This project is the first and largest of its kind in the whole world. Rainbow vision is a project to build and finance condos, independent living rentals and assisted living all in one community. Silver expressed the importance that even the assisted living patients need to be integrated into a community.

The goal of Rainbow Vision is to give a family to people who are alone. One of the great stresses of aging as a member of the LGBT community is aging alone. Rainbow Vision seeks to combat this by providing a community that their residents can feel comfortable in and truly call home.

Currently there is a small growing number of LGBT aging communities. But the big problem? There aren't enough! and they are just not affordable. Very few companies offer good pension plans to LGBT members, and they have to live right up against what they have - money is very tight. One community, Triangle Square in Hollywood attempts to provide affordable housing to gay and lesbians. However, they only have 100 units available for a 6000 people waiting list!!!

The developers of these projects are faced with the great challenge of providing affordable housing for large numbers. Rainbow Vision appears to be a step in the right direction.

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fs5zskgxXU

A look at "Heaven's Coast" ~

I recently read a fascinating, moving and powerful text. Mark Doty's "Heaven's Coast" paints a real picture of the pains LGBT aging process, particularly in the struggle through illness. Doty's work is one of sheer elegance and grace, which uses the most careful selection of words to attempt to illustrate the love between himself and his partner of eight years, Wally. A story about loss and heartbreak, Doty uses meticulously crafted metaphors personalize his suffering and loss.

Wally is diagnosed to be HIV-positive by a Vermont social worker in May of 1989. From there, as his condition declines more and more, Doty uses words to cope with the reality that he will lose Wally.

But this is more than a text about loss. It is an attempt to humanize the reality of dealing with AIDS and homosexuality. Doty looks at the mere acronyms that attempt to distance us from AIDS, and personalizes all of them.

The text highlights the reality of the "taboo" that surrounds homosexuality. The idea is that if you walk in a room you can suddenly be infected by all of it - the AIDS, the HIV, the homosexuality. As an AIDS sufferer Amanda Heggs was quoted, “Sometimes I have a terrible feeling that I am dying not from the virus, but from being untouchable.”

As Wally ages, and his condition continues to become more and more grave, for Doty it becomes less about feeling like he needs to protect Wally from being poorly treated by nurses or technicians, and more about coping with the sheer magnitude of his inevitable loss.

Source: Heaven's Coast (book), Mark Doty

The Little Acknowledged Side of LGBT Life

It Gets Better

In reaction to the recent suicides by LGBT youth, some seniors gave their candid words of wisdom in a short film, "It Gets Better". The leader of the project, which was a collaboration of members of the LGBT Aging Project, Bob Winscott said, "The idea that all gay people grow old alone, lonely and depressed is a myth". The bleak and hopeless future, according to Winscott, is merely "the image that some people would like protest".

In a refreshing, fun short film full of heart, a selection of LGBT seniors share their struggles growing up, with their sexuality, their family, their friends and relationships. They acknowledge and painfully share their pain. But, the best part according to them, it gets better!!

While the struggles that the LGBT community face are completely real and should not be taken for granted, it is just as important to recognize when things are going well as it is when they are going poorly.

One man in the video, aged about 60, says "I love my life! I love being gay, I love my partner, I love my sexuality". It must be a powerful message, for the LGBT youth to hear real voices of people who struggled just like them, and managed to find happiness.

Review of Documentary: "Gen Silent" ~

Today, I watched the film “Gen Silent”, a documentary that traces the aging of transgender Krys Ann Hembrough. Krys Ann spent 50+ years as a sad and miserable man who was angry with himself and the world, before undergoing the transformation surgery. He received no joy or happiness, and accounts that he used to smoke cigars and look “as ugly as [he] possibly could”. He suffered a serious depression and even made attempts to take his own life.

Then he made a big decision, and became Krysallis Anne Hembrough. As a woman, Krys Anne ultimately found she could be happy with herself. But the trouble was just beginning. Unfortunately for Krys Anne, her family did not feel as she did and was not accepting of the transformation. She spent two years desperately trying to reconnect with them, but to no avail.

Then, as if life could not get any worse, everything came crashing down around her. Krys Anne was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and given just 18 short months to live. Not only this, but with no family or support system, Krys Anne was going to have to go it alone – the radiation, the chemo, the attempts to treat her illness – all alone.

Krys Anne’s situation is just one example of the problems that exist in the treatment of LGBT seniors by the health care system. LGBT seniors are more likely to age alone, many have never had children, and few have relationships with their families, which they could rely on for a certain degree of care. The only option is to find a personal caretaker to move in, but that comes at a steep price, one that is not feasible for many LGBT seniors.

Not only this but the insensitivity of the health care system can scare LGBT into checking themselves out of the hospital early, or even refusing treatment in the first place. There is also the risk that they might become institutionalized or treated improperly. Krys Anne even recalls receiving EST therapy as a treatment.

In one of the film’s most heartbreaking scenes, Krys Anne is holding a laundry basket and trying to climb up her stairs. In just a few seconds, with each cumbersome step, every pant for breath, the reality of her struggle is actualized.

Though struggle and heartbreak is extremely prominent in her life, Krys Anne reaches the “silver lining” with just months left to live. She finally reconnects with her son after 2 years of separation. And then he, along with some open-hearted members of the LGBT community devise a schedule in which each of them takes turns spending time living with and taking care of Krys Anne. It is an overwhelming moment of relief, acceptance and peace. Krys Anne no longer has to live in fear of who she is or in fear that she will be alone. [Though she does question, “are they coming because they accept me as Krys Anne, or am I just a person dying?”]

But not every member of the LGBT aging community is so lucky. The isolation, insensitivity and lifelong fear that LGBT seniors have to live with is a unique, heartbreaking formula - One that causes people to die far earlier than they should. It is hard to change people’s minds. As Krys Anne’s son says in the film, “it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks.”

Source: http://www.inthelifetv.org/html/episodes/128.html

San Diego Hosts World’s Largest LGBT Health Issues Conference ~

Just 8 Days ago, San Diego hosted the world’s largest LGBT health issues conference. The key issue? The challenges faced by the aging LGBT population. How would you feel to age alone? Without anyone there to care for you, take you to the doctor, or just support you. That’s how the three million LGBT seniors currently living in the United States feel. The lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender population of the US faces significant discrimination, which cuts them off from support, especially as they age. Not only that, but because of early alienation from their families or because they often don’t have children, the familial support networks for the aging LGBT population are limited.

The biggest problem? Well, according to Seth Kilbourn, the director of San Francisco’s Open House, which provides housing for the aging LGBT in the city, it’s quite simple. Discrimination against the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender populations affect their quality of care when they age! The primary goal of Open House is to create a comfortable and safe environment where the LGBT population can age peacefully, by training the staff. Through this, Open house hopes to change the culture of long-term care and create that support network that LGBT often cannot find in their own homes or communities.

Aging and Declining health clearly poses a real problem for the LGBT community, because of how the outside community looks on at them. It was if society has labeled homosexuality as a “taboo”, something that should be feared and avoided. It’s no wonder that the doctors aren’t willing and ready to help the LGBT population. The Open House has the right idea. Proper care for the LGBT community ultimately begins with acceptance.

Source: http://www.kpbs.org/news/2010/sep/22/san-diego-hosts-worlds-largest-meeting-addressing-/